1. Traditionally a naval officer has been the epitome of punctilious grace and etiquette. His everyday behaviour is generally in copybook fashion and is an ideal source for emulation. It is therefore incumbent upon every naval officer to ensure that he/she continues to maintain this traditional opinion by making sure that he firstly imbibes the best in graces and etiquette and secondly follows it as a way of life.

Time Management

2. Punctuality. Being punctual is a habit which a naval officer should acquire early in life. 'Being busy' is not an acceptable excuse for being late. It actually conveys the lack of time management skills. All officers are trained to be punctual in their official duties and this habit should also be replicated in your personal daily social life. A habitual lack of punctuality will lead to the label of being a slack and irresponsible person, besides being a cause of personal embarrassment.

3. Official Functions. Always be on time for all official functions and arrive before the chief guest and other VIPs. It is advisable to be at least five minutes early as almost everyone, except the senior most officer, caters for such a buffer in his timing. Even though you arrive before the senior officers, you are expected to depart only after they have departed. The only exception to this rule is when a junior person is being dined out, formally or informally. In this instance, the hosts, whether senior or junior should always arrive before and depart after the guest. This rule is applicable to social functions as well as sports functions where spectators have been invited. As a guest do make it a point to arrive at exactly the specified time as an early arrival would be as much cause for embarrassment as a late arrival. Do cater for enough time in hand for traffic, parking and walking, and not running, to the venue. It may in fact be worthwhile to carry out a recce if invited to a new place.

4. Personal Parties. When invited in a personal capacity, it is impolite to be more than 10 minutes late, though you should always endeavour to be on time. It is equally impolite to be ahead of time as you might catch your host unprepared. You should never be deliberately late at a party in order not to be the first guest to arrive. This is inconsiderate behaviour and does not show sophistication, as some people assume it does.

5. When You Are Late. If you do happen to be late due to an unforeseen reason, always apologise to the host and hostess. If the dinner has already commenced, and is a sit down affair, go directly to the hostess and apologise, and then take your place at the table. When a lady is late, she also apologises to the hostess and then only takes her place. No one rises, except her dinner partner to assist her with her chair. This avoids inconvenience to all others.

6. If you know earlier that you are going to be late due to any unavoidable reason always intimate the host.

7. Needless to say, if you are the host or hostess, you can never afford to be late. You should be ready before the first guest rings the bell. Hurried last minute preparations convey to the guest that either the evening is going to be a drudge or that he is unexpectedly on time.

8. Departure. Many a weary host and hostess have often wished that there were fixed timings for social occasions, but actually there are none. However, these are some guidelines.

Nodding and Bowing

9. Bowing is an old custom, and slightly out of date, but an officer should only bow when any bow is directed at him. Bowing is done by bending slightly forward from your waist.

10. Nodding your head may some times be required when a junior bows to you and you are seated. Nodding is an acceptable acknowledgement of the others presence when the circumstances forbade any other form of recognition. Juniors never nod at their seniors. Nodding is inclining your head slightly and smiling.

Hands and Handshake

11. Handshake or Shaking Hands. Hands are shaken either on being introduced, or on taking leave, with the senior always making the first move. It is unforgivable not to take a proffered hand. A good handshake is at elbow level. Avoid a grip that is either too strong or too limp. If you are wearing a glove, always remove it before shaking hands. Always maintain eye contact with the person that you are greeting. Do not proffer your hand for a handshake if it is dirty or clammy with sweat. Excuse yourself saying that your hands are not clean.

12. When lady officers shake hands they observe the same etiquette expect that the senior lady offers her hand first. Women in uniform conform to military etiquette at all times.

13. Shaking Hands With Ladies. In case of a lady, wait until she makes the first move and offers her hand. Many ladies prefer the traditional greeting of a 'namaste' or even a nod in which case you may reciprocate in kind. In any case, while shaking hands with a lady, she shakes your hand and not vice versa. You do not have to submit her to a show of your strength. Holding a lady's hand for more than the required duration is incorrect and should be avoided. Do not also pump her hand up and down.

14. Managing Your Hands in Public. Keep your hands in a natural position at all times. While standing do not keep your hands in your pockets. While seated at a dining table and not eating, keep them in your lap. While walking, avoid swinging them unnecessarily. Officers do not lock hands with each other - whether in public or in private. Ostentatious display of affection show a lack of upbringing. Also avoid waving your hands about especially when trying to stress a point.

15. While Dancing. Traditionally, when a man is dancing, his leading hand holds the woman's hand lightly and naturally. Fingers are not intertwined. The other hand should be placed firmly yet easily, slightly above the small of the back.

16. Helping a Lady. When an officer wishes to help a lady across the gangway, or into/from a boat or from a bus or train, he extends one hand to her palm up. It is for the lady to take the proffered hand. Do not attempt to grab her hand and get her across.

Offering Your Arm

17. How to Offer. When a man offers his arm, he bends it at the elbow with his forearm parallel to the floor. The lady should hold the arm lightly, but not hold on to it.

18. Occasions. Arms are normally offered only when a lady needs help over rough or slippery ground or in a crowd, or for assisting an elderly lady or invalid person. A common occasion is for helping a lady across a gangway.

19. Offering To Ladies. It is nice to offer your arm to a lady when she accepts your offer to a dance. An arm may also be offered when she needs your assistance while walking. You never grasp a lady's arm she takes your arm.

20. Military women, whether in uniform or in civvies, do not hang on to a man's proffered arm.

When to Rise

21. Entrance of a Lady/Senior Officer. At a social occasion, such as a dinner party, men should stand when a lady enters the room, remain standing until she sits down, and rise again upon her departure. Common sense, however, dictates how long you remain standing if the lady does not sit down. When she remains standing with a group, you may sit down. A man need not keep rising every time the hostess re-enters the drawing room. Officers should also rise when an elderly gentleman or a senior officer enters the room.

22. Introductions/Farewell. You always stand up for introductions, farewells and greetings irrespective of whether the person being introduced is a senior or a junior or a lady. The only exception is when eating, wherein you are expected to stop eating and wait till the pleasantries have been exchanged. On other occasions if it is not possible to stand due to cramped space, you may half rise.

23. Basic Courtesies. In this age of gender equality, chivalry should not be forgotten. Though it is uncommon now-a-days to offer one's seat to a strange woman in a bus or a train, an officer should always be considerate towards his or her fellow creatures, especially if that person (of either gender) is elderly, disabled, burdened or obviously tired - even though he or she is tired himself.

Walking About

24. Traditionally, when walking with a lady outdoors, the officer walks on the outer side of the kerb, or if there is no kerb, on her right. When walking with a senior officer, the junior officer walks on the left and keeps in step with him.

25. When walking in uniform, always march smartly with your chest out and chin up. Never 'cross the bows' of a senior officer coming from the other direction. Similarly, while overtaking, always seek permission by saying, 'Excuse me, Sir' before overtaking him.

Opening Doors

26. Traditionally, a man always holds the door open for a woman, and after she has entered, follows her through and closes the door. Junior officers hold the door open for their seniors and follow them through. Sometimes doors open inwards, in which case the junior should enter first, keep the door open for the senior and close it after him.

27. While receiving or seeing off ladies, a gentleman always opens and closes the car door. Before closing the door (while seeing off) always check whether the ladies dress is clear of the car door and shut the door gently.

Order of Precedence

28. Embarking/Disembarking a Vehicle/Craft. When an officer and a lady are together in a car, the officer alights first and holds the door open for the lady. From a bus, or a boat or a train or an aircraft, the lady alights first, unless the officer is required to render assistance for her to disembark.

29. At a Gangway. At a ship's gangway, the lady precedes, unless the officer is required to assist the lady to navigate steps or a poorly lit gangway.

30. Other Occasions. In a party, at a home, in the theatre or at any social function the lady precedes. The only exceptions are in a restaurant or a theatre with no ushers, where the gentleman should precede. The gentleman also precedes in a crowd, to clear the way, and at formal receptions where title takes precedence.

Road Manners

31. While Driving. Always drive at a safe speed and punctiliously observe all traffic regulations. Never mix drinking with driving. While going to pick up a date or a friend, or a superior officer avoid honking your horn outside the house. Always go in and pick them up.

32. Stopping At Security Gates. At security gates, always stop and identify yourselves properly. If you are wearing a full mask helmet, you are required to raise your visor and show your face to the security guard. At night while entering or leaving the gate in a car, switch off the headlights and switch on the courtesy light so that the guard can easily identify you. Do not proceed till the guard has indicated you to do so. Due to the nature of their duties the DSC sentry may often times not be able to salute you. Do not take umbrage at it for given the time he would have saluted.

33. Overtaking. Avoid overtaking a senior officer's vehicle, especially in a Naval area. It smacks of bad manners and is a sure fire invitation for trouble. Similarly keep a weather eye on the rear view mirror and road space permitting, move closer to the kerb and give way to a Senior Officer's car.

34. Travelling in a Hired Transport. When escorting a lady in a taxi, the officer gives the directions and pays the fare. If he is not accompanying the lady to her destination, he should ask the taxi driver what the fare will be, and pay it in advance or confirm it from the lady if she is in a position to do so. When sharing a taxi, officers should share the bill, regardless of rank.

35. Headlights. Always drive with the headlights at low beam. A high beam blinds the driver coming from the opposite direction, so use it only if it is most essential.

36. Silent Zones. Road in the vicinity of hospital, school and offices are areas where use of horn is prohibited. These restrictions are to be respected. Similarly within the naval premises (naval base, residential areas) use the horn only if it is absolutely essential to ensure safety.

37. Turning and wheeling. A common problem on the road is executing a right and a left turn. While turning left or right the tendency is to land up starboard of track on the next course and endanger the oncoming traffic. Looking out for oncoming traffic from both directions is mandatory before putting the wheel over. Slow down to a crawl before joining a main road and always join up in the slow lane and then gradually shift into the fast lane. Mid lane driving is dangerous and should be avoided. Switching on the turn indicator prior to turning right or left is mandatory and should be done at least 100 meters before commencing the manoeuvre.

Seating A Woman

38. An officer assists a woman to his right with her chair at the dining table, when she sits down and rises. The chair is pulled back as she steps into place from the left, then slid under her as she bends to sit down. When she rises from the table, he draws the chair back without jerking it. Needless to say, this evolution demands a certain coordination and alacrity by the gentleman, to prevent it from becoming a disaster.

Holding Coats

39. An officer should assist a lady with her coat. The right way of doing it is to hold the coat with the armholes at a comfortable height for her to slip her arms into them. He must be careful not to muss her hair while doing so. Normally, it is not required to assist a lady in taking off her coat. The procedure is the same for helping a lady with her raincoat.

Sending or Carrying Flowers

40. Flowers may be sent to a couple on anniversaries, birthdays and on joyous occasions like the birth of a child. Having flowers delivered adds an element of surprise, the personal touch can be provided with a small note. The thumb rule is that the flowers should be appropriate to the occasion and the bouquet should not be too ostentatious.

41. You may also carry a small bouquet of flowers for the hostess when invited to her residence for the first time or for any special occasion like anniversaries and birthdays.

Going Dutch

42. As a rule juniors do not sign drinks or pay on behalf of seniors in hotels or restaurants. This does not prevent you, as a junior from asking your senior if you can sign a drink for him. This should normally be done if you are in the act of buying or signing for a drink and an officer senior to you lands up at the bar. In restaurants and hotels, the modern tradition is to 'Dutch it' or to divide the bill equally amongst all officers.

Telephone Manners

43. Answering Calls. Always be courteous while talking on the phone. In the office, it is both discourteous and infructuous to answer the phone by saying 'Hello' as then the caller has to know as to who is he speaking to. Always answer by saying the name of the ship or establishment followed by your name or by wishing the caller the time of the day and identifying yourself, for example, 'CLABS, Cdr Suresh' or 'Good Evening Duty Commander'. At home, the correct response is 'Good Morning, Lt Dhruv' or 'Good Morning, Dhruv'.

44. Precedence. There is a clearly defined precedence in initiating and terminating a telephone call. The junior comes on line first. In case your PA is connecting up to a senior, do come on line once the PA at the other end is on line. Do not wait for the call to be transferred to the senior before coming on line. At the end of the conversation hang up only after the senior has hung up. A good thumb rule is to hang up after hearing the click. End the conversation before hanging up, do not leave a sentence or directive half way and hang up.

45. Calling Up. While calling up always identify yourself for e.g. 'Good Morning, this is Slt Shyam'. Always apologise if you have the wrong number. When you re-dial, always check the number before speaking e.g., Hello is that 12349. Never call at a private residence before 7 am or after 10 pm, unless the matter is urgent. Calling up at someone's residence between 2 pm and 4 pm should also be avoided as most people generally take a siesta at that time. Routine meal timings should also be avoided. Never ring a number and start the conversation by saying 'Guess who is calling'. The respondent may not be in the mood for playing games and there is a very bright chance that you will be more surprised by his answer.

46. Speaking on Telephone. Always speak in an even and pleasant tone - never whisper or shout into a phone. If the other person is not clear or audible say so immediately so that the desired message is not distorted. Avoid keeping the telephone engaged for more than two minutes. It is inconsiderate to engage in a lengthy chat when someone else may urgently need the phone. This is especially true in ships and messes ashore where one telephone or one line often serves more than a hundred people.

47. The Second Respondent. If a call is received for another individual, ascertain whether the caller can wait on line till you can check if the other person can be traced and put on line. Do not let the caller wait for an interminably long time in anticipation. The wife and children should also be similarly briefed so that a state of unnecessary panic and hurry is not created unless the caller specifically asks to speak urgently. Also brief the wife and scions to go through the pleasantries and greetings with composure before handing over the phone.

48. Returning Call. All calls received in your absence must be returned. This is not a mere courtesy; it can be operational imperative, a personal crisis or a domestic emergency.

Gossiping

49. Officers never discuss politics, ladies or religion in public, neither should officers be critical about their superiors in public. Wardrooms and messes should not be used to discuss career prospects of senior officers and to pass on half-baked information. A simple rule is if you hear gossip don't pass it on and always dissuade the gossipmonger from plying his trade, Gossip, if beyond control, can have serious implications in the navy. Classified official matters are never discussed in public places.

The Art of Conversation

50. Starting and maintaining a conversation is an art. Suffice it so say that one should not be too long winded and hog the conversation. It is bad manners to speak loudly and boorishly in wardrooms and messes.

51. Avoid repeating anecdotes and jokes, which often happens in a close circle of friends. Also avoid name-dropping as it impresses no one. Listening is as important a part of conversation as is talking. God gave you two ears so that you hear more than you talk.

Exhibitionism

52. Exhibitionism means drawing attention to yourself at public places. This includes shouting, whistling, loud laughter, booing, clowning, backslapping or doing something foolish or unusual. A person of refinement does not care to be conspicuous.

53. Exhibitionism includes excessive public display of affections. One example of this is a couple on the dance floor who hold each other too intimately or exaggeratedly.

Manners on the Dance Floor

54. Etiquettes on the dance floor have undergone a sea change in the past few decades. But some rules are constant. You never dance alone on the dance floor - dancing with a male partner is unthinkable.

55. Modern dances are free flowing. But dancers should never flail their arms and legs so as to cause injury to other people on the floor. Dance and let dance. Dance floors are not a place for a war dance or gymnastic display.

56. Asking a Lady For a Dance. If you wish to ask a lady for a dance, go up to her and say 'could I have the honour of a dance with you?' If she accepts, proffer her your arm and lead her to the floor. If she declines, accept it in good grace. In case the lady is accompanied by her husband or her father, it is only correct to seek their permission before asking the lady. In Indian society, close dancing is still a delicate subject. If a slow number starts and the lady does not wish to dance, do not insist on dancing. If she does not mind, say 'May I' and start the dance. Do not attempt complicated dances like the Waltz or Foxtrot unless you know, and are sure that she also knows, how to dance them.

57. On the occasion of a 'Ball' like the 'Navy Ball' or 'May Queen Ball', the dance is inaugurated by the Chief Guest. No one is supposed to dance before the inauguration. Once the Chief Guest and his partner are on the floor, the other officers and their partners can follow suit.

Social Obligations

58. As a Bachelor Officer. Always reciprocate hospitality offered to you. A bachelor or a young officer may not be able to match the hospitality of a more senior officer - but genuineness can make up for the lack of elaboration. As a bachelor, you can reciprocate by inviting your guests to the officer's mess or wardroom, the institute or club or to a decent restaurant.

59. Thank You Notes. There is no requirement to send a 'Thank you' note after every party. A sincere expression of thanks at the time of departure is sufficient. However, if you have really enjoyed a party or have been the guest of honour, always send a brief note of thanks to your hosts. It should be addressed to the host, and the hostess if applicable, within 48 hours of the function.

60. Filling the Visitor's Book. You may sometimes be required to sign the visitors book on board a ship or at home. Be brief. Do not fill the entire page, and think before you write, to avoid crossing out your words.

61. Responding To Invitation. While there is no requirement of replying to an official invitation, never fail to reply a RSVP, if the invitation calls for it.

Hospital Manners

62. The Visitor. Nothing is more exhausting to a patient than to have a visitor who comes too soon after surgery or a serious illness, or who stays too long, or talks too loudly. Do remember that if patients were in good health and feeling fine, they would not be in the hospital room.

63. Conduct in a Hospital. The following guidelines should be observed when visiting a patient in a hospital: -

Affliction

65. Contagious Disease. If afflicted with a contagious disease stay isolated. The best judge to decide if it is safe to meet others is the doctor and not ones own gut feeling. If visitors come to meet you it is only correct to warn them of the affliction before they fall prey to it.

66. Non-Contagious Diseases. On occasions when one is ailing from disabilities like cough, cold, fever and headache discretion should be exercised to make sure that the affliction does not bother others. Paroxysms of sniffles and coughs are major irritants in meetings. Instead of repeated excusing oneself, make a quiet exit and come in after the seizure has subsided. In this regard a rumbling stomach, passing gas, burping and yawning are also be categorised as afflictions.